Hahaha

After more than a year after my last blog post, I've decided to come back here to do a little random blogging. After what, 18 years of influences, I feel that now I'm ready to take on the world (and the galaxy). I just read up some more on the latest Mandalore, and I just realised that people who follow their own code really are more suitable people for me. Yes they may be cool and powerful, but they're alone.

A small price to pay, because loneliness can be embraced. It is useful and it is harmful, and right now in my life, it is useful. I prefer to stay alone to myself, because only then am I free of all obligations and responsibilities. That's what my life outside of the Emerald Dream has become, a life full of fulfilling obligations and responsibilities. I enrolled into one, but not the other.

Its sort of an expectation of me, something I had to take on to display my dedication and love. But I don't think so anymore. I wasn't an individual, my mind wasn't entirely mine yet. But now, after one year's worth of solid thinking, I'm proud to say that my mind is fully mine, my body is fully mine and my destiny is fully mine. However the emotions are a bit dysfunctional.

I thought I beat my emotions, but evidently not. This hopeless despair, this falling ill, is all because of my emotions and it is crumbling me. I beat illnesses last time by ignoring it and pursuing Emeralds...but this time I'm not pursuing. Why? Because I'm not fully rendering my emotions and my will to myself. I'm stronger than this I know, but I'm not doing it.

And maybe this is why I fail. Pish pah. I'll still go on fighting even if its for a lost cause. I look around at the world and find that the world is boring. Yucky. Well, maybe if I had Iyuno, things would be more beautiful in the world around me. Maybe. Maybe this loneliness and destitude I find is only temporary until nessoe-hi. Then life would be more beautiful?

I doubt it. Things fade, and the one thing I've forced upon myself is to never let go of something even when the emotions fade away, even when they've failed you. Hold on for all its worth. Sometimes I do wish that elevated thinking wouldn't leave one so...alone. I want to discuss things with people, talk with them...but so far I've found no one...or maybe I'm not making an effort to find such people...or maybe I've already found them or I'm too lazy to talk to them.

I think I know some people who are self-actualising. Juliet for example. She recommended Maslow in a certain manner which doesn't seem like what a normal person would do. Hm. Many people have looked upon the hierarchy and passed it like it means nothing to them...I don't think they actually understand the full potential of what being an self-actualising person actually is.

The world opens up to them and foolishness and idiocy become your friends! Time is simply but a passage; a journey; a time to prepare and to equip oneself with the necessary knowledge and experience! Why do people not desire to progress to this highest level of potential? Why do they desire a simple life and simple happiness? Do they not desire the broken struggle, the passion for adventure, the need to rebel, the adrenaline of continuing on in spite of failure?

Truly, if people do not live for all these things which I speak...I wonder if their lives are in vain. I have no place to say this, but truly I think so. You live a life in society just to exist, just to feed your stomach and survive with mammon, to continue your bloodline and to pursue a decrepit and shallow emotion which is happiness. I speak of not one individual but of many.

Sometimes I think the villains in movies are the people I admire more than the heroes. Villains require a higher step of boldness, of daring, of irrationality and hysteria. They are the ones who truly have the guts to challenge the world with their views and beliefs, and this one quality is the thing I find most lacking in the people around me. Well not all villains are like this, I mean the higher level mastermind ones like the Joker, Magneto and Q.

I will be damned if I let my actions this past few days condemn my position. That blasted phone is bane to me. Nothing ever good comes out of it. Nothing. I do not wish to make contact with anyone on that blasted phone because all that comes is responsibility. Not that I have a problem with it...But its just unworthy of my time.